Surrendering

 I feel like I've been trying to control every situation that comes my way lately. Well there's nothing wrong with it if controlling in a positive way but when you already find yourself, almost desperate because some things are not going your way the way you want them, I have to put myself in a "halt!". 

Calm. I need to practice calm over and again until it becomes a part of my system. "But I'm only human," my alter-ego would say. No. I must learn to say no when it comes to challenging my mental health. I need surrendering. And then practice to be here. Just be present. 

You know when I'm trying to push hard a situation or a goal, the more it's elusive. But when I learn to slow down, with less expectations, and let the force of nature come by naturally. Then, I could say, it's for me. My goal will find its way to me. Sometimes, after taking the risk and nothing transpires, the only way is to surrender but still believe that one day, it'll happen. 

So , help me , God.

My second home

This small city has been a second home to me for ten years now. 

And being a lover of nature, I just feel blessed to be able to witness how this mystery adds so much beauty to this city..

Capturing this, it seems to me like a fable, like those I see on disney film.

 

Spring is here

 Even the season is faithful to its promise.

Spring, to me, is hope.

Inner Child

P.S "Note to Self"

Appreciate the inner child in you. 

Recognize her.

Believe in her.

Forgive her for not being perfect.

Acknowledge her.

Accept her.

Help her heal from her childhood traumas.

She’s just there waiting to be noticed.

Hug her.

She never left even as you age.

She's always a part of you.

My first travel to my second home

When we think of traveling, it gives a feeling of excitement. We plan about what to bring, how much budget needed, where to go while the rest remain unplan...and that's where real adventure begins. It's when you don't have to plan it but just enjoy the ride wherever your feet lead.

Early spring, a week before my birthday, I left my country. It was my first time to go on a long travel..to another foreign land, far away from home. I remember so well while I was waiting for my flight, I wasn't thinking much about how it feels to be far from my family and good friends, I didn't soak myself to being emotional at all. I just kept praying for a safe flight because I have fear with plane ride. I'm not used to traveling such great distance. I'm an ordinary woman, content with my own comfort zone, the city I will always call home. I didn't get a good sleep in the plane, I was always anxious, however, praying. But the moment the plane landed in the airport, where my final destination was, I forgot the world around me for a while, emotion crept my whole vein, thought of my family, and then cried in silence. Just when I realized that the plane was almost empty and everybody went out, I headed and took my luggage. And then, I saw my husband, waiting for me anxiously from the exit door. Perhaps overwhelmed by my presence, we walked around the parking lot for almost half an hour, searching for his car. He forgot where he parked it. Right then, I started to feel the cold wind of this foreign land.

My first few months here was full of experiment. Dealing with Vince everyday, getting to know every detail of the house, all that one had to discover in marriage. We don't live in a big house. We live in a simple apartment with two bedrooms, one restroom, one kitchen, and one guest room.Vince is an ordinary laborer, responsible and content with what's simple and ordinary. I remember I told myself myself once, I don't want to marry a rich man, I only want a simple man who is responsible and will love me as I am. Indeed, God was listening. :)

I will park my contemplation for now...until next thought.