My first year as a married woman simply brought me in awe and beautiful surprises in a totally different world being a wife and housekeeper. Growing my own flower in spring time was such a joy and going places during holidays felt magical. I enjoyed learning new language and going to school for two years. I loved meeting new acquaintances and our teachers were so kind and understanding to us, foreign students.
Until one day after finishing the course, I found myself missing the things I was used to. I would wake up feeling bored doing the usual home chores and left alone in the house(while hubby's at work). I missed working... and that old "ego" ( without being too dependent from over almost all things to someone (my husband). I felt like my life was in "slow-mo" while the rest of the world was preoccupied running after its busy scheds. I felt like I let go of all the possible opportunities I could have had back home while I hardly find one in this foreign land. It all never occured to me then. Worst, I felt sorry for all the person I could be, had I only been in my own comfort zone (my homeland). I felt miserable.
But if all stay-at-home moms or wives and even job-seekers would feel and think the way I did, it must be a sad world. I just forgot that I am also significant and special to someone else's life-- my husband, who works hard for me and for our future.
In life, we define who we are by the way we first think about our self. And so one day I asked my self, "who do I want to be?", what do I want to just feel justified?" God didn't ask us to be great, He only asked us to do every little thing with honesty and a feeling of greatness. From that contemplation, I tried to set aside my unhealthy ego and put pride in every little thing I do and even tried to work extra-- by putting a touch of me in my own home (that photo on the side). I learn to draw, to sew, to paint. I tried the idea of making instead of buying (perhaps to keep myself productive or to esteem myself a bit high). My handworks may not be that great, but then to work on them with sincerity and a feeling of greatness is a different story. When you feel that the outside world is temporarily unkind to you, maybe you can try to focus on your inner strength and discover what you can do with the ability you are given from birth. Believe me,yes, everyday is trying and learning. Sometimes,my mind is still confined with the idea that while you still have no children, find a job---to be productive, to raise your self-esteem, and to defend your ego. Honestly, I'm learning not to think of these pressures at all. I just want to give my best in every little thing I do,though sometimes failed :-), however, HAPPY.
One of the saddest truths that can develop in one's mind is the fear of not being able to meet expectations (whether from your self or from others),hence there grow the fear of criticism.
St. Mother Teresa said, “Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.”
Thanks for reading. :)
