A homecoming

Coming home ,after almost four years in a foreign land, is a feeling that I never thought I would experience in all my life. And I couldn't find words to define that feeling. There's just one thing I'm certain, I miss people...people who "are"part of me and perhaps even those who "were" part of me. But meeting each of them in this homecoming is not my main objective. I have to be home for my family, for my sick father. Taking care of our aging parents is part of our values as Filipinos, even if we have already built a life and a family of our own apart from them, and I'm proud that we have that kind of value.

So much have changed in the place I used to call my home. I must  say "used to call" because I "wanted" to accept the idea that I have already found my second home as a married woman...and they are my husband and his family, and that I now belong to them. As long as I have not accepted that idea, I will always feel homesickness within me and it's a heavy feeling. It's my prayer.

Travelling for the very first time outside my country, I had very less anticipation about how my life would be like. I only thought about being with my husband and asked God the courage to face what awaits in this marriage. In fact, I never thought about the adjustments of culture, of language,of food, or of people in general. I don't have a perfect marriage but we have God in between to keep us going, and it matters a lot.

Upon my arrival at the Davao Int'l Airport, I felt strange. Seemed like I have become a totally different person. My understanding around me went deeper and my realizations just seemed to flow like river that I hardly contain them. I remember how my sister joked at me when she picked me at the airport, " Abi nako makakita nako'g mestiza na taba, mao man diay gihapon ka! I(I thought I would be seeing a fat mestiza, yet you're still the same!)"(heheh!). And I just laughed at the idea.

The holiday rush hasn't changed at all. And I found myself too preoccupied about what to give to people I love and forget about what's more important --my coming home, my presence to them. Sometimes, I would stop and think, "If I don't have things to offer, would my homecoming still matter to them?". You know when your mentality tends to tell you who should be, instead of who you are supposed to be. However, that set mentality has to be changed.

My husband gave me two months vacation and in two weeks time, I'll be travelling back to him.  How time really flies! A part of me still wanted to stay, but a part of me is reminding me of my marriage, (hahah!). I swear, my heart was so heavy when I parted with my husband at the airport. You know that feeling when the person has become your life and for the first time in years,  you have to part ways for a while. And then I think a lot about the house, would he still manage to do all things by himself, would he be eating right after a tiring work.. and all other stuff.

There's just one thing I wanted to say from all of this amazing experience, while we firmly believe that "there is no place like home", we also have to firmly accept the idea that "a home can be possibly found anywhere you go, it's just how we define and feel it." And so it's true that you will never discover your inner strength unless, you find yourself in a zone that is not of your own comfort. Franklin Roosevelt said and I quote, "Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear." That is my note to self. :)

Have a truly blessed 2018 to all!

Commenti

  1. It must have been very hard to return home after being gone so long and with so much changed in your own life as well. Lots of emotions that are hard to understand! But your husband has become your new life and that is how it should be, but that doesn't always make it easy, especially because he may not understand the culture you were raised in. There is truly no place like home, and I wish you the best in 2018, my friend! I always enjoy your posts :)

    RispondiElimina
    Risposte
    1. Thank you so much Marilyn!You are truly right...I wish you the best of 2018 as well. Hugs and kisses to you and your family!

      Elimina

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